By Mark C. Hughes @ The Karma Institute

It all matters.  Life matters.  As the days turn into months and the months will soon turn into years, I have been searching for answers to our current world dilemmas.  It is as though we have just awakened from a long slumber and can’t believe what has gone on while we have all been asleep, unconscious. It has all happened so suddenly.  Or has it?   It is like a modern day episode of The Twilight Zone.  This episode is not far fetched but certainly far reaching because it is affecting millions of people in dramatic ways far greater than the horror one might have considered plausible.  We don’t have the dramatic effect of extremes or the supernatural.  What we have in this version is so subtle that it came from years of living unconsciously with the choices we made in our daily lives.  Choices that are now echoing the consequences to our blind living.  The awakening is offering an opportunity for re-evaluating and re-adjusting our values.  We are being nudged to move closer to those things that we hold dear to our hearts. 

Our Business Matters.  While the world watched with an apathetic value system, we allowed greed to take the place of integrity.  Business decisions after business decisions were made to advance the wealth and power of those in the positions that had the ability to really make a positive difference.  Instead of looking to the greater good they looked to the greater self.  Self-indulged with the fixation of materialism, our economic world has now collapsed due to the self-serving interests of the few at the expense of the many.  The pendulum will swing back. We will once again shake hands and treat our word as our bond.  We will return to an era when making corporate decisions were for the welfare of the entire economy rather than what serves their bottom line. We will reach out and help our neighbors because we will all feel the hardships from a struggling economy.  We will build strategic alliances with those that possess integrity over those that simply possess deep pockets.  We will seek to make a difference in the world by doing deeds that collectively serve the welfare of our community rather than fill our ego with a false sense of success.  Our Business Matters.  Through the suffering and the struggle of the coming years, our values will be re-aligned in ways that were never imaged during the boom years.

Our Family Matters. More and more families will feel the pain of loss and misfortune.  Once looked upon with judgment, more and more families will be honored for their perseverance and determination. There will be a greater sense of empathy for those that are less fortunate.  Pride will return to the family when they turn to each other rather than away from each other.  Our elders will earn an honorable place in our homes and families will seek to find the good in each other rather than find fault.  Extended family members will join together and share the responsibility of housing and the raising of children.  We will no longer define our relationships by petty differences but by common ground.  While we will learn the importance of taking care of ourselves, we will become more accepting and more willing to extend a helping hand to others.    Our Family Matters.  Although we will see much strife, our family units will pull together and demonstrate determination like never before, seeking gratitude with all the gifts we experience in our daily life.

Our Community Matters.  With each passing month we question the sacrifices we will have to make.  They may be many.  They may be great.  That which we have taken for granted will be gone.  Cooperation and collaborative efforts will replace that which has been paid for in the past by federal grants and government spending.  Communities will transition from isolation to participation. Neighborhoods will come together to do things tax dollars did in the past. Non-profits will feel the strain but their services and their role will be regarded with the greatest of respect. We will become a more generous culture, a more humanitarian thinker.  We will begin to look at adversity in a whole new way.  Opportunities for change will ignite innovative measures to do things differently.  The perspective of materialism will be replaced with values that promote downsizing and doing things economically.  Our Community Matters.  During the shift, our society will experience having less, needing less, but connecting more and rekindling the spirit of partnership and togetherness.

Our Spiritual Matters.  In search of strength and determination with these coming years of economic uncertainty, we will learn that our greatest resource is ourself.  Leaving behind is the fear that we are not enough.  Through struggle comes triumph. With adversity comes greatness.  We, as a people, will turn to our greatest power to conquer these coming years of upheaval- the inner voice that will guide us through the dark days and take us to a brighter future.  We will learn that there is reassurance from outside support but we will embrace that our single most powerful beacon of hope is trusting what we know.  We will, in growing numbers, turn inward for encouragement and validation that the steps we take are the right ones, that the convictions we hold for a better tomorrow are possible.  We will develop a promise of faith by acting on what we are guided to do.  We will turn inward and develop an unyielding faith in our ability to tap the inner God-given resources to bring us to a place of safety and wellbeing. 

Life Matters.  It all matters.  There are no accidents.  The choices we made in the past have brought us to our new lessons in the future.  We can make the decision to focus on the dark side or turn the obstacles into opportunities.  Opportunities to strengthen our families, opportunities to rebuild our integrity in our work and in our world, opportunities to reconnect with people and experience the brilliance of their soul, and finally, we are at the perfect time to explore our inner strength and seek to call upon our innate knowing and become a culture of one.   It is hard to see the blessings in disasters.  It is painful to watch those around us suffering.  Yet, these turn of events have clearly opened the door for all of us to consider what is important and make the readjustment in of values to take us to our next evolutionary process, the unfolding of our natural spirit/

By Mark C. Hughes, Life Coach for Parents & Teens @ The Karma Institute

I entered this Christmas Season with ambivalence.  Ambivalent about the economy and those around me that are celebrating Christmas differently this year.  In the years gone by, the Christmas trees were decorated with more than lights and ornaments. Beneath the tree an abundance of presents represented the love each family member shared for each other.  For some, the bigger, the better.  For others, it was the number of presents that represented their degree of love.  Let’s be honest, isn’t that how it really is?  As a father, I don’t expect more than a wallet and some new socks but engrained in me is the notion that love is communicated at Christmas by the “things” wrapped inside those decorated boxes.  I have fallen victim to counting the presents to make sure that my love was evenly distributed.  I made sure that one child didn’t get an imbalance of large boxes.  I counted and recounted the money I had spent to make sure that one wouldn’t feel slighted by the inequities of their true market value.  

I entered this Christmas Season with empathy for those without.  For many, cutting back was a necessity not an elective.  Money is tight and the challenge to stretch the dollar to satisfy that lonely Christmas tree has left many feeling inadequate because what they can do is not enough. At least, measured by the stories of old, it isn’t enough in their minds.  My empathy took my thoughts to the base of their Christmas tree this year where the presents weren’t so abundant.  How does one replace those bundles of boxes, gift- wrapped in love?  And then I recalled the year, many years ago, when I decided I wasn’t going to “buy into” the notion that my love for my family was measured by the depth of my wallet.  That year, I sat down and wrote a letter to each family member.  I took a risk and wrote as candidly as I could about the memories we had had and the gifts I saw in each of them.  I shared how much they meant to me and how grateful I was to have them in my life.  After we had all exchanged our family gifts on that Christmas Eve (except for mine) and we had all gone to bed, I slipped the letters under their bedroom doors and quietly went to bed.  I was anxious, I must admit.  I didn’t really know how they would react.  In the morning, I was met with tears in their eyes, loving embraces that lasted longer than usual, and my sister summed it up best, “that was the best Christmas present I have ever had”.

I’m entering this Christmas Season with a whole new outlook.  I am not measuring my love by the presents I give and the presents I receive.  I am not counting the boxes under the tree or measuring their dimensions.  This year, different than those in the recent past, I’m going to go back to the true meaning of Christmas by sharing my love for those that mean so much to me.  The good news is that I know I don’t need to feel anxious or embarrassed because I have already experienced the beauty and The Power of Expressing My Heart at Christmas! 

By Mark C. Hughes @ The Karma Institute

On the wall, centered over the fireplace hung a family portrait.  I loved those years.  Oh, how the kids have grown.  Propped on the couch was the worn teddy bear my daughter clutched in her arms each night when she went to bed.  As I walked into my son’s room, I couldn’t help but feel the sadness remembering the countless nights I tucked him in bed and rubbed his back.  With a deep breath, I recounted the many parties and social gatherings we had in the bonus room.  Like most typical families, we always fought for the control of the remote. Almost real now, I imagined the many dance parties that left us sweating with perspiration but very satisfied. My smile quickly subsided as my eyes caught the four chairs tucked neatly under the kitchen table.  Our mealtime was a time of playful laughter and joy. As I closed the front door behind me and headed down the porch, I looked back at our three-story, 3200 square foot house we designed and built with dreams of a future with lasting memories and happiness.  Reluctantly, I had to accept that fact that my dreams would soon vanish with the pending foreclosure of my home. 

Unlike millions of Americans losing their homes to the mortgage debacle, I am in the process of fighting the builder over construction defects that has left my home uninhabitable.   Our inability to come to a mutual agreement on the compensation for damages will plague me for an estimated two year ordeal with the possibility of loss of a loved one, my home.  I have felt the pain, the anguish, the anger, the depression, the hopelessness that one experiences when their home is being taken from them.  Once unable to understand why homeowners take sludge hammers to their walls and gut their house of everything valuable, I can now relate.  I can relate to the state of despair that comes with letting go of something so dear to you as your home.  I, too, struggled with the injustice of it all.  I was quick to blame others for my fate and misfortune.  I had good days and bad days.  There were days where I accepted it and was willing to make the transition.  Then there were days when I was fighting mad and determined to keep my home.  And there were many, many days where I experienced extreme swings in both feelings.  And I must confess, there was a period of time when I felt so defeated, I considered what value there was in living.  Thank goodness for my loving children and friends that reminded me of the good things in my life.  I have decided to renew my contract for living.

You are not alone if you are feeling these same feelings.  This is not a fun journey we share. It challenges the core of our strength, the existence of faith.  It forces us to evaluate what is important.  It beats us up and leaves us wondering if it is all worth it.  This emotional element that our mortgage holders don’t truly understand is vitally more important to address than the financial aspect.  If we don’t stay engaged emotionally, my experience is that we are at risk of making bad financial decisions.  Hopelessness eats away at reason.  You can take my car, my belongings, my house, the very last possession I own but don’t steal my will for living.  And that is our choice.  It is entirely up to us how we choose to accept this misfortune.  I’ve accepted I’m not going to get the emotional support from the threatening form letters from my lender.  I’ve got the support from friends and family but I’m not sure they can really relate to the loss unless they have walked in our shoes.  Ultimately it is entirely up to us. 

I believe everything happens for a reason. In this situation, it seems like a curse.  How could this be happening for a reason?  But I do have a choice of how I handle it. We can look at the downside of the circumstances and get lots of sympathy but where does that really get us.  Or we can focus our thoughts on the positive and continue to be in search of what lessons we can learn from our misfortune.  With the economy on the downturn, we are certainly not alone.  As a nation, as a people, we could choose to wallow in our pity or rise to a new way of understanding.  How am I a better person because of this experience?  How has this experienced opened my eyes to a new way of looking at life?  How can I make this experience an opportunity for change and personal growth?  Probably not what you want to hear I bet.  I get that.  It has been a challenge for me as well.  However, from a purely logical point of view, do you think you will be better off if you remain positive and look for the good or be negative and focus on all the bad aspects? 

Years ago a friend introduced me to a whole new way of looking at failure.  For many of us, the notion of failure is embarrassing, defeating, humiliating and on and on.  Consider your failure as a “celebration of awakening”.  Rather than beat yourself up, celebrate the gift (a gift? … I know) of looking at a disappointment or disaster as an opportunity for change.  Consider for a moment what new awareness or experiences you have had when you were forced to take a detour during road construction.  Always an inconvenience but the new route introduced you to something you hadn’t experienced before.  The same holds true here.  Consider this inconvenient detour as an opportunity to look at your life differently.  Make the choices to do the things you might not have considered in the past.  Reevaluate your priorities, your values.  Have you spent entirely too much time in a job you didn’t care for just so you could pay the mortgage on the house that took up entirely too much free time to maintain?  That was my pearl.  That is the awakening I experienced in the midst of my anger and fear.

I don’t regret the years I spent as a realtor because it gave my family a wonderful lifestyle.  My children experienced their childhood in homes that most kids would dream of.  We all took it for granted.  But because of my pending foreclosure, I have realized that I didn’t pursue my passion with helping people as I do now as a life coach because I didn’t believe that I could make enough money to support my lifestyle.  That doesn’t matter any more.  A forced downsizing has opened my eyes and given me the opportunity to fully embrace my passion as a speaker and trainer and devote my life to supporting parents and teens and those overcoming adversity.  In fact, I found a note card from a workshop I did over ten years ago.  It read, “my goal is to do socially responsible films and speak and do workshops on topics that help parents and teens”.  It went on to say, “the obstacle is making enough money to support my family.”  My misfortune, the pain, the anguish, the hopelessness have all contributed to my awareness that persuaded me that it was time- time to do the work that I have always wanted to do.  That has truly been a gift, not a disappointment or a disaster.

My son and I recently moved from our house into a temporary 1200 square foot apartment.  It wouldn’t have been my first choice when I set my life goals twenty years ago but it feels like home…and the rent is one fourth the cost of what I am used to in housing costs.  As I sat on the edge of his bed in his new, smaller than usual bedroom, and rubbed his back, now 16 years old, Nicholas said, “Thanks, Dad”.

“Thanks for what?” I asked.

”Thanks for getting us a home.”  

Now I get it: Home is what we make it.