By Mark Hughes @ The Karma Institute

Many people have commented about our logo for The Karma Institute.  “Is there some significance, some meaning?”  Absolutely!  It represents the journey we take to get to our authentic self. What does that mean?  Each and everyone one of us has one or more inspired paths to take during our lifetime.  For some it is easier to find than others.  Some spend most of their life chasing the question, “what is my purpose?”  The answer is aligning your will with the will of your Higher Power, the Universal Energy, God. Many of us have experienced the rush from taking a risk and doing something that just seemed right, perhaps without logical reasoning.  The doors opened and everything just seemed to go right.  The light was Green.  Full speed ahead.  The Karma Institute’s Principles of Rightful Living comes when we align our will with the will of that Universal Power and we experience blissful satisfaction.  Our logo represents the two wills merging and coming to a point of awareness that leads to a moment of truth and personal glory. 

Easier said than done?  Yes.  Remember it is called a journey.  It is a process.  The process starts with developing a practice of listening to the voice within.  I think for too long there has been a discussion of how to meditate.  Countless books, audio tapes, CDs and DVDs have been dumped on the public with a promise of finding the perfect method. Meditation is simply the quieting of the mind.  There are many roads to Mecca. When you continue to search outside, you fail to do the search from within.  I profess not getting stuck on doing it right.  I suggest a routine of quiet time.  Repeated quiet time.  And then more quiet time.  At the moment you get frustrated, be quiet.  You can read books and listen to tapes on the subject for years but with the most gifted spiritual leaders, the process took time.  I would rather have you spend “quiet time” than reading and learning about “quiet time”.

Like a muscle, if you want to strengthen it, you have to exercise it.  So is the case with tapping into the natural knowing, the voice within.  With repeated practice of quiet time, you will begin to get a nudge.  Your first question will be, “is this my intuition or my ego?”  I don’t know. You won’t know.  So the only way to find that out is trusting the voice and acting on it.  Start small.  Don’t start with a career change for example.  Start with a nudge to call someone or explore an idea.  See how it develops.  Then listen again.  Be quiet.  What do you hear?  Take another baby step if you are so directed.   Be willing to take a risk- a small one at first.  The important thing is to respond to the voice within.  You have to strengthen your intuitive muscle by acting on it.  Like a friend that calls you repeatedly and leaves you a message on your voice mail, if you don’t call them back, they will stop calling.  If you don’t act on the nudge, the voice within will stop nudging. 

I have spent over twenty years in search of the elusive voice within.  Here has been the primary reason it took me so long: I ignored the scary.  It was fine if I heard what I wanted to hear but if I heard something that was scary or caused me to fear taking action, I didn’t act on it.  So I had a lot of false starts.  I’m dumber than I look.  In life, some of the most important dreams, aspirations, goals or plans come with inflated fear.  Why?  Because it is important to us and we don’t want to fail so we avoid failure by not doing it.  Crazy isn’t it?  But if we hear that we are suppose to act on Y and it is scary, we will settle for X.  X turns out to be not satisfying because it is NOT our authentic journey so we return to the meditating process and say, “hey, what’s the deal here?”  The deal is that you are not willing to have the faith and courage to absolutely follow the voice within. 

When I was in the process of losing my home due to uninsured construction defects, I told myself I had nothing to lose so I trusted the voice explicitly.  I did things my rational, reasonable mind would never have permitted.  I told my family that I didn’t expect them to understand what I was doing because I didn’t understand it myself.  I stayed the course regardless of illogical financial decisions.  There were times that I was down to no savings, nothing in my checking account, and a hand full of change in my pocket.  I went silent.  I listened.  The voice said, “keep going”.  Despite my fear, I did and I was repeatedly rewarded with the gifts of being in alignment with my Higher Power.  A friend would call me and say, “I want to pay you to…..”  Or someone would buy my trampoline off of Craigslist for $100 and it is exactly what I needed to pay the bill for the day. Now, I do not recommend others to take this course because it can be quite stressful but I share this because it tested my faith and commitment to following the voice within.  The results have been remarkable.  For the first time in my life, I feel at peace and protected by this bubble of faith that comes from knowing that my natural knowing, my intuition, my higher self, the voice within (whatever you want to call it) won’t let me down.

Is the road always paved with guaranteed flawlessness and ease?  No.  That is the challenge of truly listening and surrendering.  One must let go of their expectations and an attachment to an outcome.  That is not your decision to make.  You must trust and act and trust and act and….  The outcome will be made available to you.  I could tell story after story of my inner voice telling me to do one thing and the outcome was completely unrelated yet perfect in more ways than I could ever have imagined.

The notion of Karma is cause and effect.  Do good things and good things will happen.  Create the life you want by doing what is right.  By taking the high road, however challenging, is the right thing to do.  That is what listening to your inner voice is all about.  Taking the high road and doing what is right… what is authentic.  And that is why we advocate living your authentic self.  You learn to develop an ear for the voice within, you set yourself on the path you are suppose to take, and you live a blessed life because you are in alignment with your higher power because you are acting on it.

The Karma Institute: Living Your Authentic Journey.

By Mark Hughes, Parent & Teen Life Coach @ The Karma Institute

Today’s teenager is given greater freedoms than any other teenager that has come before them.  Most have cell phones, many of them have laptops, and almost all of them demand greater freedom but don’t want the responsibility of the consequences.  They live in a fast paced society where the dewey decimal system has been replaced with google.com.  Their lives are immediate and therefore many of their choices are based upon immediate gratification. Because they live in that world, they move at a pace that doesn’t allow them an opportunity to reflect.  Not enough time.  Gotta go!  Often this immediacy leads to really bad decisions and regrettable outcomes. As a result, parents like to ease their pain by making decisions for them thereby removing them from the process of thoughtful consideration.  As a result, they have come to take for granted their liberties and have done little to assume the responsibility for their behavior.  

The key to raising teens is empowering them to make their own decisions.  That starts with helping them to understand some basic principles of Karma, the science of cause and effect.  Karma is simply the understanding that all of the things that we do have a result that is the outcome of that which we do.  “Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.”  As we make decisions and engage in activities, we want to be better prepared for a higher degree of predictability with results that are more favorable.  The challenge with today’s teenager is that we, as parents, don’t give them the opportunity to learn this powerful lesson.  We allow our teens to escape the lessons of Karma by allowing them to escape their responsibility of personal decision making.  How often do we ask our children to reflect on the moral considerations of what right and wrong actions (not values) are and what consequences can occur with decisions that don’t consider the science of Karma?  The sooner our children learn the power of reflection and are able to dissect how their negative experiences were influenced by faulty decision making, the better prepared they will be for the real world once they leave home.

I know that as a parent I find it much easier to give in than to reason with my teenager’s ambition to “be on the move, entertained all the time”.   I also know when I give in it is driven most of the time by my desire for them to be happy.  None of us like it but we must be ready for the heat when we demand that they slow down and take a moment to make a sound decision on their own.  One important step you can take as a parent is to develop family guiding principles that they agree to. These are predetermined principles that are used in making sound decisions (ie safety, harming others, moral, legal, etc.)  It is extremely important that you have clearly defined principles of behavior that are mutually agreed upon. Without their “buy-in”, you have an uphill battle.  Our children want boundaries; have we clearly defined them in a collective process, together?  If the teen participates in the development of the guiding principles, they are more likely to adhere to them.

Encourage your teen to start with a foundation of family values that supports the notion, “how is this decision moving you towards our family values or moving you away from them?”  I understand that many teens could care less about establishing family values; instead, consider how you can bridge your family values with their goals and desires.  It looks like this, “by using our family values as a starting point, how does this decision move you towards your personal goals or away from them?”  If you can suggest that these family principles re-enforce the notion of Karma and will offer a greater probability of success, your teen might just listen… and begin to understand how powerful Karma can be in making sound decisions in their lives.

By Mark C. Hughes @ The Karma Institute

It all matters.  Life matters.  As the days turn into months and the months will soon turn into years, I have been searching for answers to our current world dilemmas.  It is as though we have just awakened from a long slumber and can’t believe what has gone on while we have all been asleep, unconscious. It has all happened so suddenly.  Or has it?   It is like a modern day episode of The Twilight Zone.  This episode is not far fetched but certainly far reaching because it is affecting millions of people in dramatic ways far greater than the horror one might have considered plausible.  We don’t have the dramatic effect of extremes or the supernatural.  What we have in this version is so subtle that it came from years of living unconsciously with the choices we made in our daily lives.  Choices that are now echoing the consequences to our blind living.  The awakening is offering an opportunity for re-evaluating and re-adjusting our values.  We are being nudged to move closer to those things that we hold dear to our hearts. 

Our Business Matters.  While the world watched with an apathetic value system, we allowed greed to take the place of integrity.  Business decisions after business decisions were made to advance the wealth and power of those in the positions that had the ability to really make a positive difference.  Instead of looking to the greater good they looked to the greater self.  Self-indulged with the fixation of materialism, our economic world has now collapsed due to the self-serving interests of the few at the expense of the many.  The pendulum will swing back. We will once again shake hands and treat our word as our bond.  We will return to an era when making corporate decisions were for the welfare of the entire economy rather than what serves their bottom line. We will reach out and help our neighbors because we will all feel the hardships from a struggling economy.  We will build strategic alliances with those that possess integrity over those that simply possess deep pockets.  We will seek to make a difference in the world by doing deeds that collectively serve the welfare of our community rather than fill our ego with a false sense of success.  Our Business Matters.  Through the suffering and the struggle of the coming years, our values will be re-aligned in ways that were never imaged during the boom years.

Our Family Matters. More and more families will feel the pain of loss and misfortune.  Once looked upon with judgment, more and more families will be honored for their perseverance and determination. There will be a greater sense of empathy for those that are less fortunate.  Pride will return to the family when they turn to each other rather than away from each other.  Our elders will earn an honorable place in our homes and families will seek to find the good in each other rather than find fault.  Extended family members will join together and share the responsibility of housing and the raising of children.  We will no longer define our relationships by petty differences but by common ground.  While we will learn the importance of taking care of ourselves, we will become more accepting and more willing to extend a helping hand to others.    Our Family Matters.  Although we will see much strife, our family units will pull together and demonstrate determination like never before, seeking gratitude with all the gifts we experience in our daily life.

Our Community Matters.  With each passing month we question the sacrifices we will have to make.  They may be many.  They may be great.  That which we have taken for granted will be gone.  Cooperation and collaborative efforts will replace that which has been paid for in the past by federal grants and government spending.  Communities will transition from isolation to participation. Neighborhoods will come together to do things tax dollars did in the past. Non-profits will feel the strain but their services and their role will be regarded with the greatest of respect. We will become a more generous culture, a more humanitarian thinker.  We will begin to look at adversity in a whole new way.  Opportunities for change will ignite innovative measures to do things differently.  The perspective of materialism will be replaced with values that promote downsizing and doing things economically.  Our Community Matters.  During the shift, our society will experience having less, needing less, but connecting more and rekindling the spirit of partnership and togetherness.

Our Spiritual Matters.  In search of strength and determination with these coming years of economic uncertainty, we will learn that our greatest resource is ourself.  Leaving behind is the fear that we are not enough.  Through struggle comes triumph. With adversity comes greatness.  We, as a people, will turn to our greatest power to conquer these coming years of upheaval- the inner voice that will guide us through the dark days and take us to a brighter future.  We will learn that there is reassurance from outside support but we will embrace that our single most powerful beacon of hope is trusting what we know.  We will, in growing numbers, turn inward for encouragement and validation that the steps we take are the right ones, that the convictions we hold for a better tomorrow are possible.  We will develop a promise of faith by acting on what we are guided to do.  We will turn inward and develop an unyielding faith in our ability to tap the inner God-given resources to bring us to a place of safety and wellbeing. 

Life Matters.  It all matters.  There are no accidents.  The choices we made in the past have brought us to our new lessons in the future.  We can make the decision to focus on the dark side or turn the obstacles into opportunities.  Opportunities to strengthen our families, opportunities to rebuild our integrity in our work and in our world, opportunities to reconnect with people and experience the brilliance of their soul, and finally, we are at the perfect time to explore our inner strength and seek to call upon our innate knowing and become a culture of one.   It is hard to see the blessings in disasters.  It is painful to watch those around us suffering.  Yet, these turn of events have clearly opened the door for all of us to consider what is important and make the readjustment in of values to take us to our next evolutionary process, the unfolding of our natural spirit/

By Mark C. Hughes, Life Coach for Parents & Teens @ The Karma Institute

I entered this Christmas Season with ambivalence.  Ambivalent about the economy and those around me that are celebrating Christmas differently this year.  In the years gone by, the Christmas trees were decorated with more than lights and ornaments. Beneath the tree an abundance of presents represented the love each family member shared for each other.  For some, the bigger, the better.  For others, it was the number of presents that represented their degree of love.  Let’s be honest, isn’t that how it really is?  As a father, I don’t expect more than a wallet and some new socks but engrained in me is the notion that love is communicated at Christmas by the “things” wrapped inside those decorated boxes.  I have fallen victim to counting the presents to make sure that my love was evenly distributed.  I made sure that one child didn’t get an imbalance of large boxes.  I counted and recounted the money I had spent to make sure that one wouldn’t feel slighted by the inequities of their true market value.  

I entered this Christmas Season with empathy for those without.  For many, cutting back was a necessity not an elective.  Money is tight and the challenge to stretch the dollar to satisfy that lonely Christmas tree has left many feeling inadequate because what they can do is not enough. At least, measured by the stories of old, it isn’t enough in their minds.  My empathy took my thoughts to the base of their Christmas tree this year where the presents weren’t so abundant.  How does one replace those bundles of boxes, gift- wrapped in love?  And then I recalled the year, many years ago, when I decided I wasn’t going to “buy into” the notion that my love for my family was measured by the depth of my wallet.  That year, I sat down and wrote a letter to each family member.  I took a risk and wrote as candidly as I could about the memories we had had and the gifts I saw in each of them.  I shared how much they meant to me and how grateful I was to have them in my life.  After we had all exchanged our family gifts on that Christmas Eve (except for mine) and we had all gone to bed, I slipped the letters under their bedroom doors and quietly went to bed.  I was anxious, I must admit.  I didn’t really know how they would react.  In the morning, I was met with tears in their eyes, loving embraces that lasted longer than usual, and my sister summed it up best, “that was the best Christmas present I have ever had”.

I’m entering this Christmas Season with a whole new outlook.  I am not measuring my love by the presents I give and the presents I receive.  I am not counting the boxes under the tree or measuring their dimensions.  This year, different than those in the recent past, I’m going to go back to the true meaning of Christmas by sharing my love for those that mean so much to me.  The good news is that I know I don’t need to feel anxious or embarrassed because I have already experienced the beauty and The Power of Expressing My Heart at Christmas! 

By Mark C. Hughes @ The Karma Institute

On the wall, centered over the fireplace hung a family portrait.  I loved those years.  Oh, how the kids have grown.  Propped on the couch was the worn teddy bear my daughter clutched in her arms each night when she went to bed.  As I walked into my son’s room, I couldn’t help but feel the sadness remembering the countless nights I tucked him in bed and rubbed his back.  With a deep breath, I recounted the many parties and social gatherings we had in the bonus room.  Like most typical families, we always fought for the control of the remote. Almost real now, I imagined the many dance parties that left us sweating with perspiration but very satisfied. My smile quickly subsided as my eyes caught the four chairs tucked neatly under the kitchen table.  Our mealtime was a time of playful laughter and joy. As I closed the front door behind me and headed down the porch, I looked back at our three-story, 3200 square foot house we designed and built with dreams of a future with lasting memories and happiness.  Reluctantly, I had to accept that fact that my dreams would soon vanish with the pending foreclosure of my home. 

Unlike millions of Americans losing their homes to the mortgage debacle, I am in the process of fighting the builder over construction defects that has left my home uninhabitable.   Our inability to come to a mutual agreement on the compensation for damages will plague me for an estimated two year ordeal with the possibility of loss of a loved one, my home.  I have felt the pain, the anguish, the anger, the depression, the hopelessness that one experiences when their home is being taken from them.  Once unable to understand why homeowners take sludge hammers to their walls and gut their house of everything valuable, I can now relate.  I can relate to the state of despair that comes with letting go of something so dear to you as your home.  I, too, struggled with the injustice of it all.  I was quick to blame others for my fate and misfortune.  I had good days and bad days.  There were days where I accepted it and was willing to make the transition.  Then there were days when I was fighting mad and determined to keep my home.  And there were many, many days where I experienced extreme swings in both feelings.  And I must confess, there was a period of time when I felt so defeated, I considered what value there was in living.  Thank goodness for my loving children and friends that reminded me of the good things in my life.  I have decided to renew my contract for living.

You are not alone if you are feeling these same feelings.  This is not a fun journey we share. It challenges the core of our strength, the existence of faith.  It forces us to evaluate what is important.  It beats us up and leaves us wondering if it is all worth it.  This emotional element that our mortgage holders don’t truly understand is vitally more important to address than the financial aspect.  If we don’t stay engaged emotionally, my experience is that we are at risk of making bad financial decisions.  Hopelessness eats away at reason.  You can take my car, my belongings, my house, the very last possession I own but don’t steal my will for living.  And that is our choice.  It is entirely up to us how we choose to accept this misfortune.  I’ve accepted I’m not going to get the emotional support from the threatening form letters from my lender.  I’ve got the support from friends and family but I’m not sure they can really relate to the loss unless they have walked in our shoes.  Ultimately it is entirely up to us. 

I believe everything happens for a reason. In this situation, it seems like a curse.  How could this be happening for a reason?  But I do have a choice of how I handle it. We can look at the downside of the circumstances and get lots of sympathy but where does that really get us.  Or we can focus our thoughts on the positive and continue to be in search of what lessons we can learn from our misfortune.  With the economy on the downturn, we are certainly not alone.  As a nation, as a people, we could choose to wallow in our pity or rise to a new way of understanding.  How am I a better person because of this experience?  How has this experienced opened my eyes to a new way of looking at life?  How can I make this experience an opportunity for change and personal growth?  Probably not what you want to hear I bet.  I get that.  It has been a challenge for me as well.  However, from a purely logical point of view, do you think you will be better off if you remain positive and look for the good or be negative and focus on all the bad aspects? 

Years ago a friend introduced me to a whole new way of looking at failure.  For many of us, the notion of failure is embarrassing, defeating, humiliating and on and on.  Consider your failure as a “celebration of awakening”.  Rather than beat yourself up, celebrate the gift (a gift? … I know) of looking at a disappointment or disaster as an opportunity for change.  Consider for a moment what new awareness or experiences you have had when you were forced to take a detour during road construction.  Always an inconvenience but the new route introduced you to something you hadn’t experienced before.  The same holds true here.  Consider this inconvenient detour as an opportunity to look at your life differently.  Make the choices to do the things you might not have considered in the past.  Reevaluate your priorities, your values.  Have you spent entirely too much time in a job you didn’t care for just so you could pay the mortgage on the house that took up entirely too much free time to maintain?  That was my pearl.  That is the awakening I experienced in the midst of my anger and fear.

I don’t regret the years I spent as a realtor because it gave my family a wonderful lifestyle.  My children experienced their childhood in homes that most kids would dream of.  We all took it for granted.  But because of my pending foreclosure, I have realized that I didn’t pursue my passion with helping people as I do now as a life coach because I didn’t believe that I could make enough money to support my lifestyle.  That doesn’t matter any more.  A forced downsizing has opened my eyes and given me the opportunity to fully embrace my passion as a speaker and trainer and devote my life to supporting parents and teens and those overcoming adversity.  In fact, I found a note card from a workshop I did over ten years ago.  It read, “my goal is to do socially responsible films and speak and do workshops on topics that help parents and teens”.  It went on to say, “the obstacle is making enough money to support my family.”  My misfortune, the pain, the anguish, the hopelessness have all contributed to my awareness that persuaded me that it was time- time to do the work that I have always wanted to do.  That has truly been a gift, not a disappointment or a disaster.

My son and I recently moved from our house into a temporary 1200 square foot apartment.  It wouldn’t have been my first choice when I set my life goals twenty years ago but it feels like home…and the rent is one fourth the cost of what I am used to in housing costs.  As I sat on the edge of his bed in his new, smaller than usual bedroom, and rubbed his back, now 16 years old, Nicholas said, “Thanks, Dad”.

“Thanks for what?” I asked.

”Thanks for getting us a home.”  

Now I get it: Home is what we make it.

By Mark C. Hughes, Life Coach for Parents & Teens @ The Karma Institute

For those young adults that are 29 years old or younger, the pursuit of career satisfaction is mixed. This Millennial Generation is considered to be the most highly technically skilled group to come along. They are also the most frustrating because they think they are so special.  They often don’t want the entry level jobs offered to them by upper management; they want the upper management jobs.  “What do you mean I have to start in the mail room?  Mail rooms are for losers.  I deserve better then that.  I know so because my parents told me so, my softball coach told me so, my club volleyball coach told me so, my trainer told me so, the camp counselor told me so, and, oh did I say my Mom and Dad told me so.  Years of conditioning has generated a wave of young adults that think they are good at what they do and they can get what they want.  Sacrificing and compromising is a thing of the past. 

This generation isn’t willing to make the sacrifices in lifestyle and company politics.  They want to build a better life and live the dream. They want more balance then their parents experienced.  They see work as a necessity but don’t want it to take over their lives like it did for Dad.  In addition, many of them have watched their parents suffer from corporate disloyalty and don’t want that to happen to them.  If they don’t want to wear the clothes, work indoors, meet quotas, be on time, work overtime, climb the ladder, collect the watch, they won’t. If being the president of their own company that makes the rules gives them the freedom they demand, they are more likely to form a corporation then complete a job application.  If they feel what they want isn’t what the boss offers, they would rather go out and develop their perfect job themselves.  Even better, they might form businesses with their friends.  Why not?  When they grew up together playing baseball, going to camps, chillin’ at the mall, and taking a party bus to the prom, why not form a company together.  With their expertise on the net, their ability to shortcut routine start up costs with virtual offices and their ease with techno-gadgets, more and more Millennials are finding it easier to become entrepreneurs without the financial burdens of their ancestors. 

Have they learned the challenges of running their own business means longer hours and more stress?  According to a Pew Research Center poll of 2,003 Americans over the age of 18, the self-employed are more satisfied with their jobs than are other workers.  They are more satisfied with their salaries, the job security, opportunities for advancement, the flexibility of hours and the degree of stress associated with their work.  So popular is this trend, more and more colleges are offering curriculums in Entrepreneurship, sometimes offering seed monies to help their graduates launch their endeavors. Having grown up with the mentality of having it all and being funded by their parents, what could be better for this Millennial Generation to go after exactly what they want and get funded the money to make it happen. 

Talk about flexibility and humanitarian efforts and you have won the hearts of this generation.  And nonprofit organizations are taking advantage of that.  They are directing their recruitment efforts to include this new generation of worldly-do-gooders.  They emphasize the benefits of doing good in the world and the nets are filling up with an abundant supply of employees seeking personal satisfaction over financial gratification.  Non profits have learned that it is more important to emphasize how they are adhering to their organization’s values rather than offering lucrative employee benefits (because they can’t). Instead they are revamping their benefits plans to include lifestyle benefits like “family care” and flexible working hours.  It seems to be working.  According to the Johns Hopkins University Nonprofit Listening Post Project, “appealing to the millennial generation is one of four key workforce recruitment and retention strategies identified by the nonprofit practitioners.” The study goes on to report that if the non-profits can attract Millennials to consider working with them as interns and learn the “essence” of their mission, they have as high as a 60% chance that the interns will remain with them in (low) paying positions each year.  Regardless of their GPA, research has indicated that graduating seniors are selecting up to as many as four non-profits out of the top ten companies to work for.  Certainly, there is a shift from seeking jobs on Wall Street to jobs with a cause.

Private sector companies are struggling to find their place in this arena of recruiting Millennials.  They are having to make adjustments to their communication style, working conditions, quotas, and the true meaning of success and “service”.   More importantly, they are having to address the “programming” that has taken place with their concept of an “authoritative figure”.  While Millennials respect authority, they interact quite differently than previous generations. From their parents to personal coaches, this generation is accustom to mentoring versus disciplining.  Much greater attention needs to be devoted to their “wellbeing” than to their “performance”.  Nurture this group and let them know you care and they will do whatever they can to hurdle that challenge, take it into the end zone or hit it out of the park.  After all, that is what they can relate to.  They are not a lazy group but a group that is used to coaches that teach them the techniques.  Once they get the confidence of their superior as one that wants them to personally achieve, they will rise to the challenge.  They want to make Mom and Dad proud.

Corporate America must tackle the institution of family or bridge the gap between performance and “holding their hands”.  Colleges are introducing freshman orientation programs that not only emphasize the separation of student and parent but enforce it by removing the parents from their child’s orientation by providing two entirely different orientations.  One throws the student into the responsibility for making their own decisions while the other repeatedly reminds the parents (politely) to “back off”.  They ask parents to not get involved in their child’s roommate disputes, conflicts with their professors, or interfere in their academic studies.  Following suit, Merril Lynch has held an orientation for the parents of their new Millennial employees in an effort to soften the separation of the “overly involved parent” with their child in their new job.  This generation of parents perceive their involvement in their child’s employment is reasonable because they see it as an investment.  All those years of sacrificing for their child’s “excellence” cannot go unrewarded when it comes time to their career.  This is truly a mind set of these Millennial’s parents.  That is why many Fortune 500 companies are developing job application forms and interview packages with the parent in mind.  They have come to accept it, like it or not, they have to get past the “gate-keeper” as well as the applicant if they are going to be successful in recruiting qualified new employees.  Human Resources, be forewarned: with the growing number of Millennials living at home, don’t be surprised by the ongoing involvement of Mom and Dad requesting copies of their employment benefits package or a meeting with their supervisor to discuss their recent evaluation.

It’s not all bad news.  Successfully understanding this group can make the difference between frustration and exhilaration.  Key adjustments need to be made when you are recruiting.  Millennials are more likely to take a job if they recognize the following:

• Let them know that they are part of a “big picture” and you’re your company has great integrity in making a difference in the world.  They are a vital part of making that happen.
• Demonstrate a fun and relaxed environment. Show them that you are committed to the balance of work and play.  Tell them about your Friday-After-Work-Romps or your company softball team or your Monday Morning Continental Breakfasts or your mid-week Power Massages. Who wouldn’t want to work for you?
• Introduce your TEAM concept where the Millennial will have a team mentor and opportunities to do projects with a group of people.  This job is NOT all about independent study.
• Set up programs that reward the employee for initiative and excellence.  They like trophies.  Help them establish career goals and benchmarks to meet along the way.
• Let them know you care.  Learn to ask questions rather than make demands.  Be willing to change the way you motivate or reach quotas by connecting more at the heart than at the mind.

This is a generation that adheres to “they don’t care about how much you know until they know how much you care”.  Those companies that give up the fight of what’s reasonable and accepts the beauty and the brilliance that resides within this generation will experience increased sales, higher employee productivity, greater employee satisfaction and retention, and a satisfaction that comes with those that place global consciousness over greed.

By Mark C. Hughes, Life Coach for Parents & Teens @ The Karma Institute

I hear it over and over again from employers how challenging it is to employ this generation of Millennials.  Without bias, however, there are far more stories of praise then criticism.  One cannot make generalizations about this group because they are so diverse.  I have read many articles posted on the internet about the frustrations of this workforce only to be followed by blogs from Millennials debating the assertions of ineptitude, laziness, indifference, and arrogance.  While one lacks initiative and drive another takes on leadership roles with a drive that holds foremost values that protect the interests of the community.  These humanitarian entrepreneurs are frequently referred to as “philanthrapreneurs”.  Not a bad label, not a bad shift from those of the past whose blind ambition to make money has crippled our economy. I often wonder, would this generation of Millennials have allowed the greed to corrupt our economy if they had been in leadership roles?  Yes, these Millennials have earned self-defacing titles in many ways.  Yet, in many ways, in their incompetence, comes brilliance. 

The Millennial Generation, approximately 75 million in all, is considered  the most technically advanced group in history.  They demonstrate a preponderance for team-oriented skills, banding together like no one before them.  Having balanced multiple activities growing up, they possess natural multi-tasking talents.  They don’t mind structure… in fact, they demand it.  They don’t mind working hard, they just might need more direction.  They respect positions of authority and want to please.  They possess humanitarian attitudes to such a degree, non-profits target them for recruitment.  While they may not enjoy entry level positions, they seek to be leaders with many of them bypassing employment and jumping directly into entrepreneurial opportunities.   Since their motto is “life is to be fun”, they gravitate towards a work environment that offers working in groups (for socialization) vs. climbing the corporate ladder for the sheer purpose of being recognized for their individual endeavors (too isolated).  In short, they prefer a worldly perspective versus the promotion of self-serving grandstand proliferation.

Doesn’t sound like a bad group of employees to bring into a company looking to expand and grow.  In fact, these talented new workers are taking on leadership roles like never before.  But how do we, as employers, corral this bunch?  First, we have to look at how they were raised.  Their DNA makeup is engrained with the notion that they are special and they are entitled to forego certain responsibilities so that they can focus on their greatness….. or fun.  Our generation of “helicopter parents” has seen to it that they experience few disappointments, avoid painful learning lessons, and remind them again and again that their pursuit of happiness is foremost.  Our interference with their decision making skills have impaired them from this necessary qualification for employment.  We have protected them from stumbling and falling because we have been too involved in all of their decision making. And lastly, because we were raised by parents from the depression who preached “money doesn’t grow on trees” and “you have to pay the price”, this generation of parents swung the pendulum to the far side and promoted happiness versus hard work.  They were coddled, pampered, protected, and praised.

So this generation of workers needs more coddling, pampering, protecting and praise than past generations.  Fight it if you like but they need more personal attention than past employees.  They require mentoring over managing.  They desire praise over criticism.  They like to be reminded how special they are. Give them the big picture and identify how their role is crucial to meeting that awesome goal and they are motivated.  Having been raised in an era of personal coaches, they need direction regardless of their IQ or confidence.  When you find yourself frustrated with their performance, ask these simple questions:

• Have I explained the big picture?
• Did I spell out the steps to get there?
• Did I praise them or encourage their greatness lately?

While Millennials respect authority, you have to earn it. Practice what you preach.  No generation before them is more willing to call B.S. on inconsistencies or inequities.  Since they love working in groups, mentor in groups. Offer suggestions on the steps they might take and encourage them to seek resources not from the phone book but from the internet. Encourage them to give ideas or suggestions.  Remind them that they are extremely important to the success of your goals and turn them loose.

An employer that learns the difference between training and mentoring will unleash the greatness that does lie within this Millennial Generation. Respected animal trainers will tell you that the success of a reliable performance animal is not in the animal but in the trainer.  It requires persistence and patience.  While the greatness of the Millennial lies within, they need, they seek your kindness and respect when you are encouraging them to reach their next level of performance.  Greatness is achieved when the permission is granted.

By Mark C. Hughes, Life Coach for Parents & Teens @ The Karma Institute

During the late 60’s and into the 80’s when divorce was on the rise, children of this generation, often known as “latch-key kids”, learned how to fend for themselves.  As a necessity, these Generation X kids were independent, self-sufficient, and understood the importance of assuming responsibilities. It was a different time then.

Now consider this Generation of kids that were born between 1977 and 1999.  This Millennial Generation is growing up with a parenting style often referred to as “helicopter parenting”.  Always hovering, these parents are overly-involved with their children and encourage them to seek “happiness” and pamper them in ways that make them feel “special”.   According to Diane Thielfoldt and Devon Scheef in their article, “Generation X and The Millennials: What you Need to Know About Mentoring the New Generation,” they are “raised at the most child-centric time in our history.”  These parents are there to confront bad coaching, unfair grades, inadequate job evaluations, and interfere with almost any challenge that faces their “gifted child”.  As a result, this generation of young adults have challenges with making good decisions (because they never have to), have a difficult time with the responsibilities that come in the work place (because we do their work for them) and think they are special (because we give them a trophy for just showing up).  In short, the frustrations that come with this new generation of millennials is a direct reflection on the choices ”WE” have made as parents.

Instead of teaching them the value of work, we encourage them to perfect their skill as an artist, athlete, or scholar.  We have not expected them to participate in household chores like we did as children.  Instead, we prompt  them to achieve excellence while we pay the price (both figuratively and financially).  We shower them with praise and encourage them to set high standards.  Certainly, with these expectations, it is necessary to devote more time to achieving this level of excellence and the routine of work, for example, has to be secondary.  We are more willing to mow the lawn ourselves if it means interrupting their painting acrylic on a life-size canvas.  We relent to taking out the garbage if it gives them more time to study between club sport practices.  We forego our needs to have a clean house so they can fulfill their social calendar.  All the while, we are falling victim to “letting them off the hook” so they can excel and we can feel proud.  As we continue to indulge them and suggest that they have entitlements far greater than previous generations, they come to accept that they are special, that someone else will do it for them, that it is far easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.  And, sad but true, often they expect that no one will call them on their stuff so taking responsibility for their actions may not even require asking for forgiveness.  Consequences are far and few between.  There is way too much time enjoying life to consider that there may be consequences for the bad decisions (or lack thereof) they make because Mom and Dad are far too busy or far too proud to impose them.  Self-confident to a fault.  Feeling entitled to something without much effort.   Hesitant to initiate without the input from Mom.  Not Surprising.   

We ask ourselves, “why does this generation struggle with making good decisions, demonstrate coping skills or responsible behavior, and depend so heavily on their parents?”  We really don’t have to go too far to figure out why.

It is time to prepare a whole new generation of kids for the world beyond their comfortable nest at 123 Easy Street.  In order for us to properly prepare our youth for the real world, they need to develop skills for independent thinking and the notion of cause and effect.  We need to be conscious when we want to do it for them, speak in their behalf, and catch them when they fall.  It is the perfect place and time to teach them invaluable life skills while they are still in the nest.  Expecting colleges or employers to assume this responsibility is unrealistic.  Move in the direction of setting clearly defined boundaries and establish agreements that both parent and child can agree to and then let the adolescent step into their life fully by making decisions on their own.  As we did when they first learned to walk, we let them fall.  Now, the stakes are a little higher and the lessons more powerful.  We need to help our children understand that they are special and that in life sometimes we have to do things we may not want to do (ie. clean our rooms, do our homework, mow the lawn, get up early).  I often say to my kids, “I would be doing you a disservice if I didn’t expect this as routine.”  It is far more challenging as a parent to see to it that they keep their word, follow through on their agreements or be accountable for their behavior.  It is much easier to let it slide and that is the curse you gift your child. 

It is time to re-instigate the notion that our kids are contributors to the family.  With the benefits that come as a member of the family, there are also responsibilities that must be met with accountability.  Life is about balance.  With play, there comes work.  With success, there comes failure.  With mistakes, there comes learning.  Establish family principles that you agree to live by.  Define household rules (in advance vs. “on-the-fly”).  Empower your children to make independent decisions and let them experience the success or the failure.  Let them experience the mistakes so they can learn.  Let them experience real joy at play because they know what a hard day’s work looks like.  Seek not to be the guardian of their life; seek to be the example. Don’t make the decision for them. Teach them how to judge for themselves.  Then let go and let them seek the truth from what they have learned from doing it on their own.
The time is now.

By Mark C. Hughes, Life Coach for Parents & Teens @ The Karma Institute

    “I’m sorry I’m late, Mr. Johnson.  My alarm clock didn’t go off this morning.”
    “Brad, this seems to be a common occurrence and it has to stop.”
    “I’m sorry, Mr. Johnson.  I’ll try not to have it happen again.”
    “Try.  Try.  I can’t afford to have you try. I just need you to be on time and do your job.”
    “I’m sorry. I understand. It’s just that I was out late last night and I guess I just slept through my alarm.  It won’t happen again.”

    “One more thing, Brad.  It has been reported to me that you are spending time during work on the internet for your personal use.  That is unacceptable and it has to stop.”
    “Why?”
    “Why?  You have to ask me why?”
    “Well, yeah.  I’m getting my work done aren’t I?  And besides I’m just looking for a new car so I can drive to work.  That is part of the reason I am late all the time.”
    “Brad, that doesn’t really matter.  I expect you to be here on time and while you are on my clock, my payroll, I want you to keep to company business and refrain from using your cell phone and the internet for your personal use.  Do you understand me?”
    “Wow.  Are you saying that I can’t text my friends during work?”
    “That’s right.  You can do that during your lunch break.  Is an hour enough time to get that done?”
    “I have to wait until lunch to text my friends?”
    “Yes, that is what I am telling you.”
    “Well then, I quit.”

To an employer, does any of this sound familiar?  The familiar seeming unfamiliar?  What is it about this new generation of Millennials that suggests they have privileges that no one else enjoys.  It almost appears to be a modern day Twilight Zone. What was once an acceptable standard in the work place is being challenged day after day by this new worker that feels they have entitlements that seem completely unreasonable.  Fact or fiction?  The answer: a little bit of both

Employee coaching is on the rise and it is not surprising.  More and more employers are seeking outside consultants to help recruit, train, and retain these independent Millennials that believe another job is awaiting them with open arms.  After all, no one can operate a computer like they can.  After all, no one can run the business better than they can.  At least, they think so.  So why are they being treated so poorly?  It is time for employers to recognize they are not speaking to the self-starters of the Generation X.  Like it or not, this generation will respond more favorably if they are nurtured like a loving parent.  Employee Coaches are teaching both employers on how to communicate and interact with the Millennials and educating Millennials on the reality of the responsibility of holding down a J.O.B.  Employers, frustrated with the learning curve, are contracting Employee Coaches to hold brownbag presentations and evening workshops for both themselves and their unruly employees.  In some cases, for larger companies, these Employee Coaches are working with upper management and supervisors with communication skills and ways to implement work environments that promote higher levels of performance.  For those companies struggling hopelessly for a bridge between work and play, etiquette and enjoyment, restlessness and responsibility, many of them have turned to corporate retreats that include both the employees and their supervisors.  The results have been proven to be successful by making a difference between sheer frustration and synergistic work environments where performance is defined in a whole new way.

Employers are recognizing that a new form of communicating is making all the difference in the world.  Consider the outcome of the earlier scenario with the following.  Are you willing to make the change?

“I’m sorry I’m late, Mr. Johnson.  My alarm clock didn’t go off this morning.”
    “Bummer, Brad.  Is there anything that I can do to help you?”:
“Thanks, Mr. Johnson.  I appreciate that but I just need to get my act together.”
“How so?”
“I think I was so tired that I slept through the alarm.”
“Can you think of a way that you could overcome this challenge?”
    “Uhm?  It’s just that I was out late last night and I guess I just slept through my alarm.  Maybe I should set two alarms.”
    “Sounds like a good idea. Would it help if you went to bed early the nights you have to go to work?”
    (Chuckle) “That would be a simple solution, huh?”
    “It’s worth a try. You do know it’s really hard on me and the other staff when you are late.  If we need to explore other options, please let me know.”
    “Wow. Thanks, Mr. Johnson. I really appreciate that. I won’t let you down.”
    “One more thing, Brad.  It has been reported to me that you are spending time during work on the internet for your personal use. You are not alone.  It seems like a lot of our employees are spending time on their cell phones and the internet so we are having a brainstorming session after work tomorrow to discuss solutions.  Can you make arrangements to stay after work tomorrow and bring some ideas?”
“I’d love to.  In fact, I was thinking about that because I have been feeling sorta guilty.  I was wondering if it would be possible to have more frequent breaks to text my friends and take a shorter lunch break.”
“That sounds like a reasonable option.  Let’s discuss it tomorrow.”
“Awesome. You’re a cool boss, Mr. Johnson.”
“Thanks.  Now get your butt in there and get to work.”
“Okay. Okay.”

By Mark C. Hughes, Life Coach for Parents & Teens @ The Karma Institute

The Magic Pill.  Isn’t that what we want as parents and employers. We are seeking the solution to the challenges we have with raising our children and supervising our employees. I have just the answer. It is quit simple but grossly overlooked and even more difficult to perfect the art.  It is the Power of Asking the Question.

As parents we are quick to give advice, reprimand, scold or make suggestions. As employers we are quick to bark commands, give ultimatums, demand quotas or impose warnings. None of these work… otherwise we wouldn’t be frustrated, right?  The Power of Asking the Question is truly the answer.  I have seen miracles in my coaching by changing the paradigm from solving disagreements with confrontation and rebuttal.  It goes on and on and two things happen.  First, the problem or conflict escalates and takes the process to a more damaging conclusion.  And second, the real issue is never discussed because neither party knows what it is.

 have witnessed a harmless conversation escalate where accusations are thrown in one direction and denial and cross-accusations are thrown back.  Does any one really like being attacked or accused of something?  Then why do parents and employers give themselves permission to confront our youth. No wonder they don’t tell the truth.  No wonder they don’t come talk to us when they have a problem or recognize an error that they made. According to the Josephson Institute in California, 92% of our young adults have confessed that they have lied to their parents in the last year.  Furthermore, a study reported that when 1,000 teens were asked, “who would you like to go to with a problem?”, almost all of them reported “my parents”.  But when asked, “who do you go to?” almost all of them reported, “anybody BUT my parents”.  What does that tell us?  It screams of their desire to be honest, to approach us with a problem but they don’t feel safe. As a parent, ask yourself how many times has your teen confessed to making a bad decision and you took the position of trying to understand their pain rather than dominate the conversation with suggestions, disappointment, or reprimands?  You have just closed the door the next time they consider confiding in you or telling you the truth.

Learning comes from self-discovery.  An infant needs to take the bruises when they learn to walk.  Our adolescents need to take the same bruises only the stakes are higher.  Nothing we can do or say can replace their own self-discovery.  One way of doing that is ASKING QUESTIONS.  When you are barking back and forth with each other, there is no opportunity for the truth to surface.  Taking a defensive posture will rarely open the door to awareness. Consequently, taking a position that creates a defensive response does not move either party towards awareness and conflict resolution.  Asking questions and giving time for a response will.  When a question is tossed over to our Millennials to consider, they are forced to reflect and respond.  One does not need to be a psychic or an intuit to pull the truth from within.  I rarely accept, “I don’t know”.  I will ask, ”if you did know, what would it be?”  And remarkably there is always an answer.  We are doing our youth a disservice if we don’t empower them to take responsibility for their decisions.  We strengthen those muscles when we exercise them by asking them questions. 

Whether it is in the office or in the home, I have seen miracles by asking questions.  A fallback method, a default mechanism to overcoming ALL obstacles is asking questions.  Can you recall a challenging conversation that took a twist and you discovered that what appeared to be the issue wasn’t the underlying problem.  Like an iceberg, only a small percentage of our conscious awareness is above the surface.  Lying below is a darkness that hides the truth.  By asking the questions you dig deeper and deeper, exposing more and more layers of the onion, until you discover the truth.  Again, with my coaching I have launched into a coaching session on a specific topic and find the core of the problem is entirely different.  I recall my wife coming home from a hard day at work and venting on this and that and frustrated beyond measure.  After time passed, I would ask, “and what is really bothering you?”  After pausing, she would share something entirely different.  You will learn that until you peel back the layers of the onion by asking questions you can argue and argue for hours, for months, for years and never scratch the surface.  In fact you never come close to resolving the conflict because you never tackled it in the first place.

The solution is simple, developing the skill is difficult. Recognition of it is first.  In a workshop, I rescued a parent and teen from strangling each other when they bantered back and forth with no resolve.  I replaced the mother in the exercise and simply asked questions, only questions.  After ten minutes or so, the teen changed before our eyes. Her resentment and anger dissolved.  Her willingness to seek alternative solutions surfaced.  Her smile returned to her face.  I then asked the attendees to identify what was different.  No one noticed.  I finally resorted to spoon feeding the answer: I asked, “what is the percentage of questions that I asked to the percentage of statements I made?” The answers were mixed.  50/50.  60/40.  20/80.  They were all surprised to learn that they witnessed, without their awareness, that I asked questions 100% of the time and made no suggestions or comments.  Sometimes the easiest things to see are the most difficult to change.  If you don’t see them, they are impossible to change.

Practice asking questions. Consider the following:

• Go get your coat.
• Do you think you will need your coat?
• That was stupid.
• How could you have done that differently?
• I want you home at midnight.
• Is it unreasonable to ask that you be home by midnight?
• I’ve told you this a million times.
• Have we already agreed to this?
• I don’t trust you.
• Can you understand why I struggle with trusting you?
• You are breaking the rules.
• Are you aware you are breaking the rules?

Can you feel the difference on the “energy” of the two statements?  Do you recognize how one sounds combative and the other sounds supportive with a kinder approach?  Do  you see how this could make a difference in communicating with your millennial?  Do  you acknowledge you are going to have to really work at asking questions?  Do you see  the merits in doing so?  Did you notice this paragraph consists of 100% questions? 

I didn’t think you would notice.  I mean, “Isn’t it great you caught on so quickly?”