The Foreclosure Debacle: Home is What We Make It
The Foreclosure Debacle: Home is What We Make It
By Mark C. Hughes @ The Karma Institute
On the wall, centered over the fireplace hung a family portrait. I loved those years. Oh, how the kids have grown. Propped on the couch was the worn teddy bear my daughter clutched in her arms each night when she went to bed. As I walked into my son’s room, I couldn’t help but feel the sadness remembering the countless nights I tucked him in bed and rubbed his back. With a deep breath, I recounted the many parties and social gatherings we had in the bonus room. Like most typical families, we always fought for the control of the remote. Almost real now, I imagined the many dance parties that left us sweating with perspiration but very satisfied. My smile quickly subsided as my eyes caught the four chairs tucked neatly under the kitchen table. Our mealtime was a time of playful laughter and joy. As I closed the front door behind me and headed down the porch, I looked back at our three-story, 3200 square foot house we designed and built with dreams of a future with lasting memories and happiness. Reluctantly, I had to accept that fact that my dreams would soon vanish with the pending foreclosure of my home.
Unlike millions of Americans losing their homes to the mortgage debacle, I am in the process of fighting the builder over construction defects that has left my home uninhabitable. Our inability to come to a mutual agreement on the compensation for damages will plague me for an estimated two year ordeal with the possibility of loss of a loved one, my home. I have felt the pain, the anguish, the anger, the depression, the hopelessness that one experiences when their home is being taken from them. Once unable to understand why homeowners take sludge hammers to their walls and gut their house of everything valuable, I can now relate. I can relate to the state of despair that comes with letting go of something so dear to you as your home. I, too, struggled with the injustice of it all. I was quick to blame others for my fate and misfortune. I had good days and bad days. There were days where I accepted it and was willing to make the transition. Then there were days when I was fighting mad and determined to keep my home. And there were many, many days where I experienced extreme swings in both feelings. And I must confess, there was a period of time when I felt so defeated, I considered what value there was in living. Thank goodness for my loving children and friends that reminded me of the good things in my life. I have decided to renew my contract for living.
You are not alone if you are feeling these same feelings. This is not a fun journey we share. It challenges the core of our strength, the existence of faith. It forces us to evaluate what is important. It beats us up and leaves us wondering if it is all worth it. This emotional element that our mortgage holders don’t truly understand is vitally more important to address than the financial aspect. If we don’t stay engaged emotionally, my experience is that we are at risk of making bad financial decisions. Hopelessness eats away at reason. You can take my car, my belongings, my house, the very last possession I own but don’t steal my will for living. And that is our choice. It is entirely up to us how we choose to accept this misfortune. I’ve accepted I’m not going to get the emotional support from the threatening form letters from my lender. I’ve got the support from friends and family but I’m not sure they can really relate to the loss unless they have walked in our shoes. Ultimately it is entirely up to us.
I believe everything happens for a reason. In this situation, it seems like a curse. How could this be happening for a reason? But I do have a choice of how I handle it. We can look at the downside of the circumstances and get lots of sympathy but where does that really get us. Or we can focus our thoughts on the positive and continue to be in search of what lessons we can learn from our misfortune. With the economy on the downturn, we are certainly not alone. As a nation, as a people, we could choose to wallow in our pity or rise to a new way of understanding. How am I a better person because of this experience? How has this experienced opened my eyes to a new way of looking at life? How can I make this experience an opportunity for change and personal growth? Probably not what you want to hear I bet. I get that. It has been a challenge for me as well. However, from a purely logical point of view, do you think you will be better off if you remain positive and look for the good or be negative and focus on all the bad aspects?
Years ago a friend introduced me to a whole new way of looking at failure. For many of us, the notion of failure is embarrassing, defeating, humiliating and on and on. Consider your failure as a “celebration of awakening”. Rather than beat yourself up, celebrate the gift (a gift? … I know) of looking at a disappointment or disaster as an opportunity for change. Consider for a moment what new awareness or experiences you have had when you were forced to take a detour during road construction. Always an inconvenience but the new route introduced you to something you hadn’t experienced before. The same holds true here. Consider this inconvenient detour as an opportunity to look at your life differently. Make the choices to do the things you might not have considered in the past. Reevaluate your priorities, your values. Have you spent entirely too much time in a job you didn’t care for just so you could pay the mortgage on the house that took up entirely too much free time to maintain? That was my pearl. That is the awakening I experienced in the midst of my anger and fear.
I don’t regret the years I spent as a realtor because it gave my family a wonderful lifestyle. My children experienced their childhood in homes that most kids would dream of. We all took it for granted. But because of my pending foreclosure, I have realized that I didn’t pursue my passion with helping people as I do now as a life coach because I didn’t believe that I could make enough money to support my lifestyle. That doesn’t matter any more. A forced downsizing has opened my eyes and given me the opportunity to fully embrace my passion as a speaker and trainer and devote my life to supporting parents and teens and those overcoming adversity. In fact, I found a note card from a workshop I did over ten years ago. It read, “my goal is to do socially responsible films and speak and do workshops on topics that help parents and teens”. It went on to say, “the obstacle is making enough money to support my family.” My misfortune, the pain, the anguish, the hopelessness have all contributed to my awareness that persuaded me that it was time- time to do the work that I have always wanted to do. That has truly been a gift, not a disappointment or a disaster.
My son and I recently moved from our house into a temporary 1200 square foot apartment. It wouldn’t have been my first choice when I set my life goals twenty years ago but it feels like home…and the rent is one fourth the cost of what I am used to in housing costs. As I sat on the edge of his bed in his new, smaller than usual bedroom, and rubbed his back, now 16 years old, Nicholas said, “Thanks, Dad”.
“Thanks for what?” I asked.
”Thanks for getting us a home.”
Now I get it: Home is what we make it.
I thought it was going to be some boring old post, but it really compensated for my time. I will post a link to this page on my blog. I am sure my visitors will find that very useful.